anticipation
individual
emotional
fear
attachment
escape
ignorance
lies
fatigue. burning. searching. already here. surrender.
truth
discernment
bliss
love
trust
joy
human
om
i realized today as i walked back from ma labyrinth that ive always considered being human as "someone who has fallen from grace, who is less than god, who is less than heaven, who has sins to atone for and therefore has been banished to earth to figure it out". anyone spot the ex catholic?
how many times have we gotten to a place where we feel we have failed, where we feel that we are less than, where we pity ourselves, and find ourselves saying "im only human".
but i walked today contemplating the 8 rings of the labia, in terms of the chakras. in terms of the development form shadow to light. in terms of kundalini, colour, of evolution.
we come into her through the 3rd ring, manipura, ego, individual, and leave her from this place, having touched each aspect, walked each ring. having sit in the centre on the mothers lap of earth. to start the walk, and finish the walk in the 3rd, spoke to me of the importance of the 3rd dimension.
i wonder, maybe, to be human, is actually the highest honor of this 3rd dimensional experience. we are told this after all, to be born human is the most evolved in this reality. but what does it actually mean? to be a walking, talking, avatar of god. to rise into our humanness, instead of falling. for manipura is the highest of the dimensions of the mortal experience. to master manipura, come into the right relationship with the ego, right action, step forward from thy will, surrender, serve, is to realize oneself as god, embodied in this realm of physicality. to realize that you are god, in body, is in fact, to be human.
Friday, 5 September 2014
Thursday, 4 September 2014
labyrinth day 4. - Creativity, Sex, Love and God.
hi sweet one.
yes... today has been sweet.
we have baked bread since first thing this morning, for tonights market. and although the oven has been too cool and we have had to refire it a few times, it has gone very smoothly.
days like today when things click i wonder "what makes today different"?
i listened to a great interview on Q the other day with Jian and the lead singer from bleacher, Jack Antonoff. and i was really comforted but what he said about his experience of anxiety, and how that when the creative flow is flowing, you just gotta go with it. (for full interview click here - totally worth it... and great music.
and it got me thinking about Creativity, Sex, Love and God. maybe or maybe not in that order. and i started to think about my experience of frequencies that i have when i feel connected to the Divine/God, like today, and frequencies where i don't, like the last few days. and im starting to think they all might be closer in connection than i originally realized. now, im not saying that every-time i experience sex, put pen to paper, or sing, i feel closer to god, however, i do think there is a portal there, a glimpse of something transcendent.
It is this same glimpse that i feel when i feel like writing poetry (im not saying its good poetry, but it comes from a place that is in the creative frequency), its the same glimpse when i look at narayan or paramjyoti and think, "holy hell, how did i get so lucky"? That really, in each of these experiences what i am experiencing is the portal to the divine, i am experiancing gods love, through that human moment. Its that connection that i crave, that i sometimes wonder is it worth living without it?
its what keeps me going. and it dosnt have to be all of them either, somedays its singing to the divine through kirtan, or even singing bb king that brings it through (one of the most holy of concerts i have ever been to). sometimes its writing, or before my family it would be through painting. sometimes its through making love. opening to love, being love. often, like an organism, its the build up to the creative burst that actually is more tantalizing than the grand event. This, is the root teaching of tantric sex, to use this sexual energy to create that portal, and use it to experience god rather than the humanness of desire.
but today as i walked Ma Labyrinth (and suddenly wondering about the connection to the word Labia) i couldn't help but chant the Maha Mantra all the way around. through pure joy. i couldn't help but do so. today, wether its looking at the wonder that is narayan, writing this blog, or singing the name of krishna, that today... contentment reigns, connection is felt, and gratitude exudes. i feel alive.
yes... today has been sweet.
we have baked bread since first thing this morning, for tonights market. and although the oven has been too cool and we have had to refire it a few times, it has gone very smoothly.
days like today when things click i wonder "what makes today different"?
i listened to a great interview on Q the other day with Jian and the lead singer from bleacher, Jack Antonoff. and i was really comforted but what he said about his experience of anxiety, and how that when the creative flow is flowing, you just gotta go with it. (for full interview click here - totally worth it... and great music.
and it got me thinking about Creativity, Sex, Love and God. maybe or maybe not in that order. and i started to think about my experience of frequencies that i have when i feel connected to the Divine/God, like today, and frequencies where i don't, like the last few days. and im starting to think they all might be closer in connection than i originally realized. now, im not saying that every-time i experience sex, put pen to paper, or sing, i feel closer to god, however, i do think there is a portal there, a glimpse of something transcendent.
It is this same glimpse that i feel when i feel like writing poetry (im not saying its good poetry, but it comes from a place that is in the creative frequency), its the same glimpse when i look at narayan or paramjyoti and think, "holy hell, how did i get so lucky"? That really, in each of these experiences what i am experiencing is the portal to the divine, i am experiancing gods love, through that human moment. Its that connection that i crave, that i sometimes wonder is it worth living without it?
its what keeps me going. and it dosnt have to be all of them either, somedays its singing to the divine through kirtan, or even singing bb king that brings it through (one of the most holy of concerts i have ever been to). sometimes its writing, or before my family it would be through painting. sometimes its through making love. opening to love, being love. often, like an organism, its the build up to the creative burst that actually is more tantalizing than the grand event. This, is the root teaching of tantric sex, to use this sexual energy to create that portal, and use it to experience god rather than the humanness of desire.
Wednesday, 3 September 2014
Labyrinth day 3 - rock and a hard place.
today it has rained. and i mean RAINED. we have had more rain than before april this year...
it took to about 4pm for it to finish enough for me to head down to the labyrinth. it has been a day between feeling like a rock and a hard place.
feeling that by standing up for what i feel is fair, right, will alienate people who i have much time for. and yet by not speaking up, could, lead to tragedy, or even death for someone or some people.
it sucks to feel that your damed if you do, and your damed if you dont. and after watching my own passionate emotions circle for hours, i came to the decision that if i didnt say something, and something did go wrong, i too would be at fault. maybe not legally, but morally. if you know someone is going to do something stupid, illegal, and maybe get someone else hurt... do you tell the people who have the tools to nip it in the bud?
and if the answer is yes, then why do i feel so glum about it? i dont like to ruffle feathers. steeped in my own desires to be liked. under my over exuberant surface, im quiet sensitive you see.
this is what i pondered as i walked today. i took some photos, for you to see, of scenes of loveliness, fairy dwellings that reside within her arms. my offering today was lichen that had fallen to the ground from the tree. today, i had to let go of the mind of dualism, and trust my heart. follow the beauty and dont worry about the feathers.
crown of semi precious'ness
joyful buddha
and ancestors of the isle sitting against the rock of love.
the water rock at the centre of the labyrinth. holds a special place, it has equal U shaped ridges upon its surface denoting that it was at the bottom of a tidal pool. like an ocean or a great lake. it was found but 200ft from the labyrinth herself. at niwas, on the side of the hill.
again today in the centre of the labyrinth i got dizzy, like a frequency was available there that was intoxicating. i didnt have time to sit and immerse myself in it. maybe tomorrow, we shall see what comes...
it took to about 4pm for it to finish enough for me to head down to the labyrinth. it has been a day between feeling like a rock and a hard place.
feeling that by standing up for what i feel is fair, right, will alienate people who i have much time for. and yet by not speaking up, could, lead to tragedy, or even death for someone or some people.
it sucks to feel that your damed if you do, and your damed if you dont. and after watching my own passionate emotions circle for hours, i came to the decision that if i didnt say something, and something did go wrong, i too would be at fault. maybe not legally, but morally. if you know someone is going to do something stupid, illegal, and maybe get someone else hurt... do you tell the people who have the tools to nip it in the bud?
and if the answer is yes, then why do i feel so glum about it? i dont like to ruffle feathers. steeped in my own desires to be liked. under my over exuberant surface, im quiet sensitive you see.
this is what i pondered as i walked today. i took some photos, for you to see, of scenes of loveliness, fairy dwellings that reside within her arms. my offering today was lichen that had fallen to the ground from the tree. today, i had to let go of the mind of dualism, and trust my heart. follow the beauty and dont worry about the feathers.
the water rock at the centre of the labyrinth. holds a special place, it has equal U shaped ridges upon its surface denoting that it was at the bottom of a tidal pool. like an ocean or a great lake. it was found but 200ft from the labyrinth herself. at niwas, on the side of the hill.
again today in the centre of the labyrinth i got dizzy, like a frequency was available there that was intoxicating. i didnt have time to sit and immerse myself in it. maybe tomorrow, we shall see what comes...
Tuesday, 2 September 2014
Labyrinth day 2. - Fear and Lichen
as i walked down to the labyrinth today i realized something. it scares me. even with the 2 dogs. and paramjyoti up at satyam, i was keenly aware that i was alone, that i didnt have my phone, or bear spray, and that i was scared. it was cold. it had just had a good down pour for about 10 mins. and the cuffs of my pants were soaking by the time i got down there.
did it stop me? no. but i became acutely aware of the tension in my throat, the heaviness in my heart, and a little sadness under my anxiety also. and i realized that when im tired, i simply dont have the shakti to see past the clouds. sleep, and rest, not exactly 2 things ive had alot of in the last 5 years, but its catching up with me now. realizing that to be my best, i need to rest.
as i walked in, i just walked, whats my question? nothing. whats my intention? one foot in front of the other. to be here, now, to be open.
random thoughts entered me, nothing profound, nothing worthy of entertaining. just a heaviness, an emptiness.
at the centre i crouched by the rose quartz with both hands on her, no questions, no prayers, no, nothing... except, the overwhelming fascination with how beautiful lichen is. its so stunning, regardless of its shade or texture. its one of my favorite aspects of nature. for some reason i atribute lichen to natures innate beauty. it needs the water, (emotion), it needs it to be cool, damp. just as i was in that moment, and yet, it thrives there, its so darn beautiful!
and then i stood to go, but it was different, something had changed, the anxiety was there, the cold and damp was there, but i dreaded the labyrinth finishing, i wanted it to keep going, for hours, and hours, there was a comfort, a connection, a feeling of being held as i walked out that wasnt there on the way in...
tomorrow... ill do it again.
did it stop me? no. but i became acutely aware of the tension in my throat, the heaviness in my heart, and a little sadness under my anxiety also. and i realized that when im tired, i simply dont have the shakti to see past the clouds. sleep, and rest, not exactly 2 things ive had alot of in the last 5 years, but its catching up with me now. realizing that to be my best, i need to rest.
as i walked in, i just walked, whats my question? nothing. whats my intention? one foot in front of the other. to be here, now, to be open.
random thoughts entered me, nothing profound, nothing worthy of entertaining. just a heaviness, an emptiness.
at the centre i crouched by the rose quartz with both hands on her, no questions, no prayers, no, nothing... except, the overwhelming fascination with how beautiful lichen is. its so stunning, regardless of its shade or texture. its one of my favorite aspects of nature. for some reason i atribute lichen to natures innate beauty. it needs the water, (emotion), it needs it to be cool, damp. just as i was in that moment, and yet, it thrives there, its so darn beautiful!
and then i stood to go, but it was different, something had changed, the anxiety was there, the cold and damp was there, but i dreaded the labyrinth finishing, i wanted it to keep going, for hours, and hours, there was a comfort, a connection, a feeling of being held as i walked out that wasnt there on the way in...
tomorrow... ill do it again.
Monday, 1 September 2014
Labyrinth Sadhana - Day 1. - one step at a time.
Hi all, firstly i would like to say i'm sorry for my huge gaps on this blog over the last months... its been a challenging summer and i have not wanted to bore you with words for the sake of them. sometimes silence is better.
We have, however, had some amazing retreats here lately. with the week long intensive of the chakra immersion retreat, and just this weekend with the lovely and nurturing yoga ecology retreat.
It was with the crew for this retreat that i started talking to the woman about my dream of people coming and staying down at the labyrinth for personal retreats of walking the labyrinth say, 11 times a day, having food provided and bought down to the camper, and committing to a 3, 5, 7 or 11 day stint.
So i have decided, on a smaller scale, to commit to one myself. for myself. by myself. to see how the evolution of this practice resonates with me over a 30 day period. so im committing to walk the Niwas labyrinth every day for 30 days. blogging each day about what my experience was... some days i might have allot to say, some days i might not have anything but the acknowledgement that i have in fact completed that day.
So today, the 1st september was my first one. The intention was GRATITUDE. more as a closing to the ecology retreat rather than the starting of an intensive sadhana... but it was profound non the less.
There was a lightness in me today as i walked her. I have in fact felt quiet heavy for the last 3 months or so. Depressed some would say. but for me that holds to many societal projections for what you think my experience was. rather than the reality of what it has been.
Today, narayan, who rarely comes down to the labyrinth, and rarely can stay quiet enough for me to focus, truly became part of the experience in the most beautiful way. he walked behind me, then in front of me for the walk in. he was quiet. he seemed to understand the importance of the quiet. then when we got to the middle he very quietly asked. "mama i need cuddles in the green sweater". so i picked him up and wrapped him in me. and we walked out as one. it was beautiful. he was snuggly. gentle. and i appreciated the feeling that we were deeply connected. that i am, was, and will always be his mama... to find comfort in my arms no matter what.
Today, as we walked together, i felt grateful for being able to share niwas with others, i felt grateful that the teachings were resonating with the people and that transformation was possible, one breath at a time. i felt grateful for my family, i felt grateful for being alive. i felt grateful for living in a place where we are in no imminent threat of violence. i felt grateful for being able to live with wonder, the wonder that so many have lost, as their lives are torn apart by greed, ulterior motives and grudges. thier reality plunged into thier imminent survival or demise. i felt grateful for this moment to breath, to wonder about the divine, about love, about grace, about peace
Today, i felt myself consider emerging from the chrysalis that i have been encapsulated in for the summer. To peek out and see what i have morphed into, to see what has become...
are you coming with me? leave me a note... and together we shall walk the labyrinth, one step, one breath at a time.
We have, however, had some amazing retreats here lately. with the week long intensive of the chakra immersion retreat, and just this weekend with the lovely and nurturing yoga ecology retreat.
It was with the crew for this retreat that i started talking to the woman about my dream of people coming and staying down at the labyrinth for personal retreats of walking the labyrinth say, 11 times a day, having food provided and bought down to the camper, and committing to a 3, 5, 7 or 11 day stint.
So i have decided, on a smaller scale, to commit to one myself. for myself. by myself. to see how the evolution of this practice resonates with me over a 30 day period. so im committing to walk the Niwas labyrinth every day for 30 days. blogging each day about what my experience was... some days i might have allot to say, some days i might not have anything but the acknowledgement that i have in fact completed that day.
So today, the 1st september was my first one. The intention was GRATITUDE. more as a closing to the ecology retreat rather than the starting of an intensive sadhana... but it was profound non the less.
There was a lightness in me today as i walked her. I have in fact felt quiet heavy for the last 3 months or so. Depressed some would say. but for me that holds to many societal projections for what you think my experience was. rather than the reality of what it has been.
Today, narayan, who rarely comes down to the labyrinth, and rarely can stay quiet enough for me to focus, truly became part of the experience in the most beautiful way. he walked behind me, then in front of me for the walk in. he was quiet. he seemed to understand the importance of the quiet. then when we got to the middle he very quietly asked. "mama i need cuddles in the green sweater". so i picked him up and wrapped him in me. and we walked out as one. it was beautiful. he was snuggly. gentle. and i appreciated the feeling that we were deeply connected. that i am, was, and will always be his mama... to find comfort in my arms no matter what.
Today, as we walked together, i felt grateful for being able to share niwas with others, i felt grateful that the teachings were resonating with the people and that transformation was possible, one breath at a time. i felt grateful for my family, i felt grateful for being alive. i felt grateful for living in a place where we are in no imminent threat of violence. i felt grateful for being able to live with wonder, the wonder that so many have lost, as their lives are torn apart by greed, ulterior motives and grudges. thier reality plunged into thier imminent survival or demise. i felt grateful for this moment to breath, to wonder about the divine, about love, about grace, about peace
Today, i felt myself consider emerging from the chrysalis that i have been encapsulated in for the summer. To peek out and see what i have morphed into, to see what has become...
are you coming with me? leave me a note... and together we shall walk the labyrinth, one step, one breath at a time.
be held by the earth
allow yourself to transform on the wind
be nourished by the rain
and bask in the sun
allow yourself to transform on the wind
be nourished by the rain
and bask in the sun
for all you were looking for was right here with you.
yoga ecology 2014
Thursday, 10 July 2014
How Ty Sees it #2
Tys second week at Niwas we would call, a wonderful experience from our end. We were really excited to be able to have him here on his 13th Birthday. We had some wonderful conversations about yoga, life and putting full heart into tasks with no expectations. also known as karma yoga. this is what he had to say about it.
What i learnt.
this being my second stay at Niwas i learnt Karma Yoga that seemed to give me a whole new perspective of things near and around me that happen or take place.i also learnt how to milk goats and work with things that might be challenging for me. i helped with some oven work and some tree work.
what i enjoyed.
This week i enjoyed celebrating my birthday with niwas and staying on the path of learning about animals plus how to do things right. i also really enjoyed reading the book i am borrowing from Shivani, the books title is "Grand Father".
what did i do?
At Niwas i milked goats, helped with a bit of yard/tree work, household cleaning, our daily animal routine and achieving what i could. i also spent my thirteenth birthday at Niwas and was treated with care as always.
what did i find challenging?
This stay at Niwas some things i found challenging were knowing what tool is needed for the job and not putting myself down.
What would i like to do/ see next week?
Next week i would like to be more involved with learning about plants and animals and how i can continue to embrace all of me.
What i learnt.
this being my second stay at Niwas i learnt Karma Yoga that seemed to give me a whole new perspective of things near and around me that happen or take place.i also learnt how to milk goats and work with things that might be challenging for me. i helped with some oven work and some tree work.
what i enjoyed.
This week i enjoyed celebrating my birthday with niwas and staying on the path of learning about animals plus how to do things right. i also really enjoyed reading the book i am borrowing from Shivani, the books title is "Grand Father".
what did i do?
At Niwas i milked goats, helped with a bit of yard/tree work, household cleaning, our daily animal routine and achieving what i could. i also spent my thirteenth birthday at Niwas and was treated with care as always.
what did i find challenging?
This stay at Niwas some things i found challenging were knowing what tool is needed for the job and not putting myself down.
What would i like to do/ see next week?
Next week i would like to be more involved with learning about plants and animals and how i can continue to embrace all of me.
Monday, 7 July 2014
As Ty sees it... #1
So this year us at Niwas having taken on a "Youth Yoga and Farm Internship". This is a partime internship of 2-3 nights/week where we have a local youth come and explore life at niwas. Learn skills for the workplace, work ethic, and self exploration, not to mention play and pancakes every now and then too!
Skills that Ty engaged with on his first week at niwas was Cheese Making (Mozerella), Farming skills and animal care, bread making, kitchen skills, the community farmers market - public interactions and representation, as well as recieving a personal yogic practice to be done morning and night.
We have asked Ty to write a few words each week to
This is what he had to say this week....
Ishtadev niwas taught me the real feeling of what it is like to come from a town where the energy is just so crazy or so packed, to seeking a place that really allows you to look at what mother nature has to give. I am learning that life already gives people what we need if we trust in it so why do we insist on needing more. I learned this lesson in all of the intern tasks I am doing.
What did you enjoy?
I enjoyed coming to Ishtadev Niwas because of the energy change you feel - I feel it immediately when I come to the property. I am able to focus better and feel like a fire has been calmed. Ishtadev Niwas is really anything you could ask for and provides everything that you need. When you really allow yourself to take in whats going on and your surroundings, you really see the great parts of life.
What did you do?
On this stay at ishtadev Niwas I learned about how to take care of the animals and the basics of farm life. Paramjyoti also said that I have to learn the basics before I can learn to do the rest, like with tools - I need to learn the names of tools before I can learn to build with them. Ishtadev Niwas gave me interest in using less to do so much more and how effective that is for us and our animals as well. I also did a new yoga practice each day that was just the best thing for me. The practice kept me calm for the day and calm for the night, I do this practice in the morning and night every day and I find it helps me be a better person and gives others around me a good day.
What did you find challenging?
A few things I found challenging at Ishtadev Niwas were getting used to the routine right away and staying away from the cute animals so I could get my job done! Although I like the idea, it is still difficult getting comfortable to the life that offers us more and costs less - this life can be challenging but rewarding.
What am I looking forward to?
I am looking forward to seeing the place progress and what it will become and how I can be a part of that. I look forward to working with Ishtadev Niwas and what it has to give me and really I just look forward to more that I can learn in this summer internship!
Skills that Ty engaged with on his first week at niwas was Cheese Making (Mozerella), Farming skills and animal care, bread making, kitchen skills, the community farmers market - public interactions and representation, as well as recieving a personal yogic practice to be done morning and night.
We have asked Ty to write a few words each week to
This is what he had to say this week....
What did you learn this week?
What did you enjoy?
I enjoyed coming to Ishtadev Niwas because of the energy change you feel - I feel it immediately when I come to the property. I am able to focus better and feel like a fire has been calmed. Ishtadev Niwas is really anything you could ask for and provides everything that you need. When you really allow yourself to take in whats going on and your surroundings, you really see the great parts of life.
What did you do?
On this stay at ishtadev Niwas I learned about how to take care of the animals and the basics of farm life. Paramjyoti also said that I have to learn the basics before I can learn to do the rest, like with tools - I need to learn the names of tools before I can learn to build with them. Ishtadev Niwas gave me interest in using less to do so much more and how effective that is for us and our animals as well. I also did a new yoga practice each day that was just the best thing for me. The practice kept me calm for the day and calm for the night, I do this practice in the morning and night every day and I find it helps me be a better person and gives others around me a good day.
What did you find challenging?
What am I looking forward to?
We are very much looking forward to the coming months with Ty, to help him, support him, and give him the platform to create some great skills, interesting experiences and confidence to take into his 13th year with him.
welcome ty!
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