But i'm a Mother!

Below is Sw. Sivananda's 50 Guidlines for Sadhaks.  An amazing list of clear guidelines that a yogi embodies to be able to hold the frequencies needed to progress on the path.  Below this list, is a short blog to answer a question regarding #47 from the perspective of being a Mother.   in service...  Shiv.

50 GUIDELINES FOR SADHAKAS

SWAMI SIVANANDA SARASWATI

1. Reduce your wants to the minimum.

2. Adapt yourself to circumstances.

3. Never be attached to anything or anybody.

4. Share what you have with others.

5. Be ever ready to serve. Serve with affection. Lose no

opportunity.

6. Entertain akarta and sakshi bhava, non-doership and the

witnessing attitude.

7. Speak measured, proper and correct words.

8.Have great patience and perseverance.

9. Never leave the abhyasa, practice, even for a day.

10. The guru will only guide you. You should yourself tread

the path.

11. Maintain a spiritual diary and correctly record your

progress and failures. Stick to resolves.

12. Do not complain that there is no time for sadhana. Reduce

sleep and tall talks.

13. Forget the feeling that you are so and so – a male or a

female – by vigorous Brahma-chintana.

14. Never postpone a thing for tomorrow if it is possible for

you to do it today.

15. Do not boast or make a show of your abilities. Be simple

and humble.

16. Be cheerful always. Give up worries.

17. Be indifferent to things that do not concern you.

18. Fly away from negative company and negative discussion.

19. Be alone for a few hours daily.

20. Give up greediness, jealousy and hoarding.

21. Control your emotions by discrimination and detachment.

22. Always maintain equilibrium of mind.

23. Think twice before you speak and thrice before you act.

24.Give up backbiting, criticizing and fault finding..

25. Find out your own faults and weaknesses. See only good

in others.

26. Forgive and forget the harm done by others. Do good to

those who hate you.

27. Shun lust, anger, egoism, infatuation and greed as a

venomous cobra.

28. Be prepared to suffer any amount of pain.

29.Have a set of maxims always with you to induce vairagya.

30. See good in every face, in everything.

31. Take to sankirtan, satsang and prayer when the mind is

overpowered by lower instincts.

32. Face obstacles coolly and boldly.

33. Care not for criticism when you are on the path. Yield not

to flattery

34. Admit your faults.

35. Do not neglect daily asanas and exercises.

36. Be active and nimble always.

37. Develop your heart by giving. Be extraordinarily charitable.

Give more than one’s expectations.

38. Desires multiply misery. Develop contentment.

39. Control the senses one by one.

40.Have a check on all your thoughts. Keep them pure and

sublime.

41. Do not lose temper when anybody insults, taunts or

rebukes you. It is a mere play of words and a variety of

sound.

42. Rest your mind in God and live in Truth.

43. Be up and doing in the path of perfection.

44. Have a definite aim in your life and proceed carefully.

45. Benefits of mouna, silence, are incalculable. Never give up

this practice.

46. Four important gates for passion to enter the mind are

sound, touch, sight and thoughts. Be vigilant!

47.Have intimate connections with none but God. Minimize connections with others.

48. Be moderate in everything. Extremes are always

dangerous.

49. Everyday practise self-analysis and introspection. Know

the amount of your growth.

50. Give up curiosities on the spiritual path. Conserve your

energy and concentrate. Think of atman.

Now i don't know about you,  but when i read this list,  the first thing that came to mind was,  Yes...

It sings to my soul,  gives me something concrete to aim for,  gives me guidance in things that sometimes my mind gets into turmoil about,  eg. 25 & 26.

But when it comes to #47, context, especially when your a Mother, must come into play.  You see,  traditionally,  Sadhaks (spiritual seekers on the Yogic path) were, if not aspiring to be, Sannyasins.   Usually,  the Sannyasins were people who had played out their role in the world with work, children, marriages, and when all was exhausted, they would retreat to the forest (usually an ashram) and fully pursue the spiritual life of renunciation.  

However,  as the world has been changing,  a new wave of consciousness has been born into this lila (divine play),  and there are many people, who,  although have not yet finished their household karma,  feel a incredible pull to the life of sannyas values and aspirations.  To this,  Paramahansiji Satyananda Saraswati responded in what i consider to be a revolutionary way.  He started to initiate "karma sannyasins",  both men AND woman...   people,  who live out in the world,  are married, have kids,  mortgages, cars... but aspire to live by the guidelines as listed above as a way of supporting them in their path of evolution.

Now,  there are numbers on this list that are seemingly contradictory, or hard to fathom, while still being engaged in the the household reality.  #47. "Have intimate connections with none but God. Minimize connections with others."  is a great example.

Firstly,  there is a time for everything,  and in the time of having young children and a husband, is not the time to renounce intimate connections.  More,  a reorientation of those connections.  There is a middle ground between the western "i cant live without my children,  they complete me!" and the above guided "have an intimate relationship with non but God."

Kahlil Gibran so eloquently puts it

"Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you."

Our children,  are the children of God.  We are their earthly guardians,  with karma to keep them, to the best of our ability, safe.  To nourish them,  to Love them.  But they are not your children,  nor are you their only guardians.  They, like you, have a whole team of guides in multiple dimensions helping their human experience be shaped into the perfect learning experience for them as souls.   YOU, have a very small part to play in this,  even though in the 3D it seems you are their world, and they yours.  We must widen our perspectives, for this is the way to full love, connect, and treasure your experience with them, without being attached to the experience, or them.    God giveth,  and God taketh away...

It is extremely important for a parent to be physically loving towards a child, hugs, cuddles, kisses, holding hands, snuggles in bed in the first 7 years of their life.  It helps them to ground into their bodies so they can play out the rest of their life with a foundation of safety and a sense of belonging.  For the first 7 years,  the mother is their Guru.   However,  awareness is needed to if you are cuddling, kissing, holding hands for their development,  or your emotional needs.  This, I believe, is where the awareness and teaching comes in.    We are here to nourish them,  so that they may fly,  not so that we can use out children to fill our emotional cups.    As karma sannyas  it is to God, that we look to fill ourselves emotionally - and let this flow over to our children and husbands unconditionally. 

Now,  in our youth (and I use the term "youth" liberally),  having a husband usually means you have an "intimate" relationship.  And there is nothing wrong with this.  Its part of married life.  But its HOW, WHY, WHEN that are the important parts.  This is where awareness,  clear communication and intention come in.  Be honest,  are you intimate for pleasure?  for conception of another child? or to experience frequencies of the Divine that lead to experiences of God? Insert the Karma Sutra.  None of these are wrong, or dirty, or shameful on the path.  However,  we often say our intention is one thing,  when really it is another, and I believe this is where we get in trouble.

God, is in every face,  every leaf, every action, if you are walking the path of the witness, non doership and non attachment.  That doesn't mean that you do not have families, houses and worldly bill paying work.  Its about your perspective of these things.  We are mothers, for God,  we are wives, for God,  we work to Serve the lila of God... 

And when the karmas have burnt,  the body gets older,  the children have grown,  a natural peeling away of these things will occur.  And we too, will retreat to the forest.