Speak Up or Shut Up - The Five Stages of Using "The Human Story" for Personal Development.

There are teachings in yoga that often feel, contradictory.  One teacher will tell you the importance of speaking your truth,  of sharing your experience,  another will tell you that we have to let go of our stories,  stop giving them power, stop identifying with them.  It gets confusing,  and you go home not knowing if you need to speak up, or shut up.

Like many of the teachings though,  there is many stages, appropriate steps of unfolding and unravelling of the Soul from the story. We need to do this without disassociating from the experiences you came to Earth to have.

The Vedic texts and sutras are starting to be more widly studied by the western yogi.  But sometimes we fail to recognize that they are guidelines are for the end stages of the teachings,  assuming that your commitment as a Sadhak (student) has already worked through the Yamas, Niyamas and had done extensive Karma yoga at the foot of a Master.  So by the time we read these teachings, they are what you are ultimately aiming for.  These are not teachings that can be jumped to,  they must be journeyed to, embodied.

Stage One:  Frozen Fear - can't speak.
So often in our lives we find ourselves unable to express to someone what we are REALLY feeling, or what our experience has actually been.  We are frozen in fear,  plagued by shame and terror that "if you really knew what happened,  you would look at me differently"  fear that somehow love would be withdrawn,  you would be ostracized.  Or worse,  the trauma that you feel to be a victim from,  would somehow be seen as your fault.  It renders you immovable,  and eventually volatile.    Its this stagnation of emotion that creates dis-ease in the body over time.   From here we need to be able to find the safety and the courage to speak our truth,  often finding, that the outcome of such a leap of faith is wholly different to what we imagined.  Which leads us to stage two.

Stage Two:  Letting the words and waters flow.
When we finally find the safe space and courage to speak,  we cry.  Sometimes emotion has been held for so long that the tears burst like a dam.    This is the stagnant emotions being released and liquified through our words.  There is a mirror between the Swadhisthana Chakra at the sacrum (water element)  and Vishuddhi Chakra at the throat,(1) our words.  When one is stagnant,  so is the other,  therefore to get the emotions to run, as liquified water should,  it is important for us to speak.  At this stage the quality of language doesn't really matter,  and often it is language that is very identified with a disempowered view of the experience.  This is OK!  just keep talking.  Its necessary,  and is a very important part to evolving past trauma and the past, thus allowing all our life force energy to be utilized in the present.    Often,  the response from the person listening is one of understanding, sympathy,  love,  caring and connection.  Sometimes this is one of the very few times the person who is expressing themselves has felt this from another person.  Its liberating, and addictive.

 And so we talk,  we tell anyone who will listen about all the hard things we have gone through.  Each time, often unconsciously, looking for that feeling of acceptance, sympathy, of love to come from the person listening.    If we get it,  great!  we take that high into our next experience.  If the person does not express the level of understanding of sympathy we are looking for,  Boom!  back to stage one we go.  We feel victimized all over again because our needs weren't met when we shared (again) our story.

Its at this stage that most people get into a loop.  They relate their experiences from a place of identification, of personal doership ("This happened to me",  "you made me feel", "I did this...")  and investment in the dynamic between players. They relate their story with the expectation of emotional gratification from the other person.  This is a root of co-dependancy and a very slippery slope.

However,  we can break the cycle by moving on to stage three.


Stage Three:  Learning to let language change our reality. 
Once the initial dam has burst and the waters have calmed, it is a good time to start to "work the program".  To learn how the words we choose when we talk about the experience that has held so much power in our bodies for so long can either hold us back OR, it can catapult us forward in our evolution.  Its ALL in the language.  Im not talking about speaking about the experience as though it was not painful,  or traumatizing,  but speaking about the experience, not as the victim of life,  but as the Soul experiencing a very deep and profound lesson through its human experience.  Even changing a single word can make a difference from "i struggle with..." to "i'm challenged by... "  This one little change can make a huge difference in the lens/perspective we experience the samskaras (Unconscious memory that also comes through Swadhisthana chakra)

A teacher or coach is a really great person to have at this stage,  for they can literally intercept your low vibrational words as you say them,  and help you to see how unconscious the "story" flows through you.  Consciously changing the words,  means you have to slow down your thought process and realign yourself into a new experience of the "story".  Its clear to understand that we are not changing the story, or modifying the facts of the story,  we are changing the perspective to which the story is seen and shared.

If this stage is done successfully there will be a softening, an expansion of energy to our perception of events and moving on to stage 4 will bring forth more closure and empowerment to the present moment rather than lugging the past around.  If this stage is not done successfully, and there is residue emotions unresolved and stuck in the old "story"  then stepping into stage four will actually be a reverting back to stage one.   To move onto stage four,  one must fully shift the flow of language from victim,  and doership, to experiencer, student and witness.

Stage Four:  Stop Talking... 
Now hang on,  first i dont talk, and you tell me to talk,  now i talk, and your telling me to stop.  See how if you skip a step how you can get into trouble?  It is a process.  When you find your voice,  and you are happy to share your human experience with anyone who will listen,  its time to start to see the "emotional pay off" as noted in stage two... and start to reign in that "need to feel loved" every time you open up.  It can be very empowering to not need another approval, or sympathy when speaking YOUR truth.

At this stage, we need to stop telling our stories.  Stop identifying with the stories as who you are,  and allow the present moment to create a current you.  For the more you talk about the past,  the more you carry it with you into this moment. Positive or Negative,  its exhausting...

So this is where we dis-empower the story.  Let it go.  It was an blimp of experience in time,  out of multiple lifetimes you have had.  It has served its purpose, it no longer defines who you are, you have learnt its lesson,  you have graduated.  The story no longer serves you,  but it can serve others.

Stage Five:  What we are here for.  
Connection.  When a story,  be it a positive or negative, no longer has any emotional hold over you. When you stop crying when you tell it, when you stop looking for a certain response from another to emotionally satisfy you.    It becomes a tool.  You can tell it,  you can not tell it. You are indifferent. For you,  it has no power, no emotion, no identification.  But it has been your experience,  and therefore,  is there for you to use it as a tool to create connection.

Then, you tell the story only in service.  For others to feel not so alone,  for others to feel safe,  for others to feel the courage to bare their soul.  (supporting someone else in stage one.)  THIS is when you tell your stories...  To comfort.  To inspire.  To give.  To connect.


Namo Narayana

In service.

Shivani



(1)  This mirror can be shown in the symbology of the Yantras,  as both of these chakras depict the Moon in them.  Both of these chakras are portals to states of reality.  Swadhisthana is the portal to out 3D reality,  while Vishuddhi Chakra is the portal to a 5D reality.