Ashram Life 101 - The Importance of Retreat for Transformation.

Ashram,  its a place that is remote in terms of Western understanding, perception, or practice.  You really cannot get much further from ashram life in our consumeristic society.  But for a healthy, balanced and evolving experiance, that needs to change.

Ashrama - according to Yoga Journal means " “that where effort is made”: a hermitage; also a stage of life, such as brahmacharya, householder, forest dweller, and complete renouncer (samnyasin)"   Its a place of work.  Not just external, physical labour,  that is a mode of integration and exploration,  but more importantly a place of internal work -  transformation, evolution.

Whether you are consciously working on transforming an aspect of your human experiance, eg. moving through depression, anxiety, PTSD, or if you consider yourself healthy and want to go deeper into exploring yourself, the principles and teachings are the same.  This is because the teachings are not directed at the personality to which these characteristics cling,  but to the Soul.  As the Soul embodies the teachings,  the personality aspects that cling to discord, disease and suffering start to fall away.  

Simplicity

An ashram is a simple place,  on the outside.  There can be great activities, projects, festivals and activity,  but the essence is simple.   Serve, Love, Give, Purify, Meditate,  Realize.   An ashram is made up of simple buildings,  simple food,  simple clothing.   In the west we have allot of psychosis around what we think we can and cannot live without.  "I can't live without hot water,  I can't live without a flushing toilet,  I can't live without my morning coffee."   99.9% of that is hogwash,  and delusion that actually holds you in tremendous amounts of physical and mental tension.    Ashrams are designed to create a set of circumstances and conditions so that you can strip away all the fluff of "I need I need I need" into an experiance of the essence of what you actually need.  Shelter, to sleep without fear,  good nourishing food,  purpose in action,  real connection with others (community),  the ability to be content - alone.   Creating this clean slate of essentials,  you can start to witness more cohesively the fluctuations of the mind, and see how it is your own perception that creates a thriving or a stunted reality.

Boundaries = Freedom

To the outside world,  or to people who equate safety with control,  an ashram can seem too constricting in its guidelines and boundaries.   To others,  the stripped down need for independent thought is absolute freedom.   For me, being someone who when out in the world, juggles my duties of wife, motherhood, a farm, bills, cooking, cleaning, teaching, and retreat centre,  i'm bombarded with decisions day in and day out.  By contrast, my time in ashram life is wonderful.  Its a place where I don't have to worry about anything.  I just need to put full effort into the tasks I am assigned.  I don't need to think about what i'm going to eat,  I don't need to wonder how something is going to be financially managed,  I don't have to think about what needs to happen next.  All I need to do is get up do as I'm asked.  Its bliss!

Food

Food is such a loaded topic for most.  The intertwining between societal and cultural indoctrination of what is "healthy",  our drive for emotional fulfillment from sugars - fats - salts,  and how we play out, sometimes completely unconsciously, our need to control food to feel safe and how we connect food to positive or negative memories.  Yet in the ashram,  food is not designed nor cooked to emotionally satiate your neurosis, it is to nourish your physical body into optimal working and preparation for meditational practices.  From the western point of view,  you can walk away vowing to never eat rice and subji (cooked vegetables) again.   Only to turn around 2 months later find you are craving them as a thread to memory of your time in retreat.  Food is a great opportunity to really take a look at how we are medicating ourselves to feel better in our day to day lives by using something external. 

Viveka - Discernment

An ashram is set up so you really have an opportunity to witness your monkey mind against a base line of high vibrational yogic practices such as havans and puja.   To witness the mind while in action and watch how our personality ebbs and flows between happy and grump purely based upon experiencing likes and dislikes.   This is key in shifting our primary focus from personality/ego to souls experiance.  We always suggest that people are fully engaged with their task, but leave a space in the mind to be focused on the Divine, through mantra, or devotion, so that the personality of the mind has something higher in frequency to focus on,  leaving no space for the mind's decent into negative, unhelpful through forms - which it often does when it is bored or not fully engaged.  

Vairagya - Dispassion/ Non Attachment

Vairagya, or non attachment can be one of the most challenging aspects of ashram life,  as it really has to have a foot firmly rooted in Īśvarapraṇidhāna - or surrender to the Divine.  It is hard in the west to let go to opinions/ideas, likes/dislikes, especially when you feel you have a better, easier or more concise way of doing something.  But that is not what ashram life is about,  it is about letting go of all you think you know, emptying out the righteousness of the little “i”, and allowing something new, softer, and more expansive to come through.

Svadhyaya - Self Study

Self study is such an amazing and humbling practice that we are simply not taught in the West.  Its a muscle that in many of us is atrophied.  We spend allot of our energy examining others behaviour and others decisions, without turning the spotlight on our own.   Many are scared,  make that terrified, of what they will see.  Acting from a deep rooted belief that we are not good enough,  loveable, and sometimes fundamentally flawed people.  To have the courage to really look at our best qualities, and humbly acknowledge our shortcomings can be a very challenging exercise.  But I tell you, its where the gold is!   How tightly we hold onto, and try and hide, our shortcomings from ourselves and others take allot of energy!  Thats where all the stagnated, unused, frozen energy lies. When you liberate that energy, thats when you have the courage to make the changes you need to make.  Once you have taken a good look, you realize that we are all multifaceted humans, that have tremendous potential to grow, if we are willing to look at what is planted, where we need fertilizer, where we can use a pruning.  

Shraddha - Faith

A combination of all of the above cumulates in an act of faith.  Committing, before you even arrive in the ashram,  that whatever your experiance is going to be,  be it blissful,  or excruciatingly challenging, is the perfect experiance for you,  here, now.  FOR YOU GROWTH.  Sometimes upon leaving the ashram, I cant fathom leaving without knowing when I will be back.  Its the only thing that gets me on a plane back to Canada. The memories of the amazing time I have just had, and the knowledge that I am committed and welcome to come back.  Other times,  I have had such challenging time,  that I couldn't wait to leave!  Convinced that “I've learnt all I can from here”  and “ maybe this isn't my path anymore”.  Only to realize 6 months later that the hard parts were such a deep mirror to my own relationship with integrity, indignity, humility, insecurities and courage that I have still much road ahead of me.  So,  I go back,  and once again, and have another perfect experiance for me, here and now.  It is such a humbling act of faith to show up for yourself, over and over through the platform of Ashram Life.

Ashram Life, is such an important platform for any practitioner of Yoga or aspiring Yogi.  Or for anyone who wants to grow and heal.  For it is through being challenged, that we grow.  It is through setting aside our needs and wants,  that we realize our own strength.  It is through retreating to the inside,  that we evolve.  

For a list of our upcoming retreats and Ashram life residency options please see http://ishtadevniwas.ca/y_workshops.html

For supporting your transformation through trauma with yoga, please contact us directly on info@ishtadevniwas.ca

Why I Believe Yoga is a Critical link in the Recovery from PTSD.

 Myself and Ishtadev Niwas patrons have recently launched what we feel is an innovative way that has the yoga community “lift up” and support those challenged by both acute and chronic Post-Traumatic Stresses (in this article, we refer to Post-Traumatic Stress as its formerly and more well-known acronym as PTSD).  The innovation comes by way of a webpage that allows many people to contribute small monthly amounts to supporting the teachings and directed time to assisting those within our communities and networks that desperately need a new lens and path for deep and comprehensive healing.  In direct relation to this new initiative however, I was asked the other day why I believe that Yoga is so critical to the enabling healing from PTSD.  Yoga is a big and complex topic...but here is a start for anyone interested in looking to a Yogic path on your recovery from PTSD.

I truly believe that Yoga is a huge untapped resource in North America for people suffering with PTSD,   PTSD is a “big picture” experience and Yoga* is a “big picture” modality that can offer a complete and total shift in the health of mind, body, emotions AND soul. 

PTSD is not an isolated symptomatic experience that does well nor even adapts to the western methodology of treating each symptom individually until the disease is cured. It is not like a bacteria that can be wiped out by an antibiotic.  Alleviating a symptom of PTSD does not create the framework for recovering from the trauma.  That perspective is like juggling spinning plates on pin heads.  Eventually things come crashing down.

By the time I meet new clients who with varying levels of PTSD, they have been doing everything they can from a western medical perspective for usually 2 - 3 years.  Their symptomatic dominos usually fall like this:  You can't sleep?  You're prescribed sleeping pills.  You need to wake up early to go to work?  You take a stimulant like coffee.   You are depressed?  Here have some anti depressants.  Oh, you’re experiencing suicidal ideation?  Let’s adjust the dosage or try another anti depressant.  The cascade of medications has no end in sight as it isn't actually fixing the problem.

To be clear here, there is definitely time and place for each of the above mentioned medications,  but they need to be administered as a tool or temporary support,  not long term dependency.   Nor am I blaming western doctors as PTSD from a western perspective is a very new “disorder” that is in its infancy in research and solutions. Western perspectives of mental disease and illness are those that people don’t understand well enough as these perspectives don’t fit in the western “medical paradigm box.”

Prolonged Exposure Treatment seems at this time to be a front runner for helping people, but the treatment is not wildly available and is based on being exposed to similar traumatic stimuli until it doesn’t hold the power or same reaction anymore.

The levels of anxiety, depression, hopelessness,  isolation, and the fear of something triggering a flashback can be truly debilitating. However, Yoga, as mentioned above, is a “big picture system."  It sees the interconnectivity of the symptoms leading to a source.  Yoga doesn't try to mop up the symptoms while the source is still over flowing, it addresses the source directly,  and then offers the tools to mop up the mess.

In Yoga, we have a system called the Koshas (sheaths of perception) which give context to the different layers of perception we have as souls having a human experience.   Anandamaya Kosha, the bliss body, is connected to the souls original and innate form before any karma or experiance is imprinted on it.  The memory of this body, while in human form,  we connect to as the “heart,” or Love.  The experiences we have, from eating ice creme to murder, originate in Vijanamaya Kosha, or the archetypal/karmic sheath.  These experiences need to be digested and transcended for the souls evolution to happen.  The nervous system is an aspect of the mind which is connected to Manomaya Kosha, or the mental sheath. If the soul or heart, is unable to digest the experiance, because the mind is unable to reconcile the traumatic experiance it to its rightful place in memory, then a mental/nervous system fracture occurs, it gets short circuited.  Time and space, from a soul’s perspective, is not linear. When a trauma or traumatic event happens and our nervous system gets fractured we are no longer able to discern the present moment with the past experience.  The head cannot be reconciled with the heart.

If the mental sheath has a fracture in it, undigested or traumatic memories float in the psyche constantly trying to connect it to the present moment.  At any moment a once benign experiance can trigger you into reliving the trauma as though it is happening in present time.  You no longer are able to discern reality in this time and space.  This  has direct implications on the Pranamaya Kosha or emotional body, creating heightened and prolonged emotional responses to the trigger and Annamaya Kosha, physical experiences, which become the actions in which we try to avoid any trigger for the traumatic memory to latch onto in real time - which over time creates a reality of entrapment, perceiving suicide as the only “out”.

The trauma has such an impact on the mind that it refuses to recess into memory and keeps barging through the door of present reality at any time of day. However, I believe that there is a critical step in the process to evolving past PTSD that needs to be addressed before stepping into direct engagement with the traumatic experiance itself.  This is to heal, and strengthen the nervous system.

The trauma, and subsequent inability to file it in an appropriate memory locker puts one’s already fractured nervous system into hyper alert and an over-stimulation of the sympathetic nervous system.  When the sympathetic nervous system is jammed permanently “on,”  one is in a constant fight or flight mode, resulting in adrenal fatigue.  Furthermore, the parasympathetic nervous system gets worn down and unable to balance itself to compensate for the sympathetic nervous systems short-circuiting.  It is the parasympathetic nervous system that corresponds to our ability to relax.  The nervous system cannot heal, if you cannot relax.  So, the sympathetic nervous system is short circuited and jammed on, and the parasympathetic nervous system is fatigued.  This needs to be addressed and steps made to rebalance this before the memory of the trauma can take its rightful place in the memory bank without, or critically reducing, emotional association - thus digesting and transcending the experiance.

The experience of being unable to digest or reconcile memory is the definition of crisis.

crisis |ˈkrīsis|

noun (pl. crises |-ˌsēz| )

a time of intense difficulty, trouble, or danger: the current economic crisis | a family in crisis | a crisis of semiliteracy among high school graduates.

• a time when a difficult or important decision must be made: [ as modifier ] : a crisis point of history.

• the turning point of a disease when an important change takes place, indicating either recovery or death.

ORIGIN late Middle English (denoting the turning point of a disease): medical Latin, from Greek krisis ‘decision,’ from krinein ‘decide.’ The general sense ‘decisive point’ dates from the early 17th cent.

So from a big picture perspective, someone who suffers from PTSD is at a huge cross roads in their human experience.  They are in a crisis, or at a point of decision.  The decision to evolve or cycle out of this human experience. Please note that I don't, or try not to, use the word “recover” when talking about healing from trauma.  You don't recover, or go back to an original state from before the trauma. You don't get past it, or get over it. You use the experiance to evolve.  You integrate the experience to a place where it no longer causes you pain whether mental, emotional or physical.  This, I believe, is the opportunity with PTSD.  I believe, that it is a fundamental opportunity for exponential acceleration within that soul’s evolution. 

So, from a yogic perspective, what do we do?  Firstly, we give the mind a context, or a map of how the symptoms are people on the street trying to direct you to the source.  Then, through yogic techniques, postures, breathing exercises, relaxation techniques, we give you the tools to start to bring the sympathetic nervous system and parasympathetic nervous systems into balance, through simultaneously reducing anxiety (coming back into the body, back into the present moment)  and strengthening the relaxation response.  It is both of these that start to make headway on the symptoms and take you out of the crisis. Human connection, relationships built on positive experiences and trust,  acknowledging moments of joy and actively seeking them out,  conscious time in nature through gardening or animals are also crucial lifestyle aspects to reconnecting and creating a new expansive reality.   But it is not the end of the journey.

As this continues, we start to strengthen the muscle of discernment.  This is the ability to acess a memory without feeling like it is happening in the present moment.  Through the short circuiting of the nervous system, our discernment gets disconnected.  We have techniques and practices that help to recreate that link.  It takes time, as life is not a quick-fix pill.  However, Yogic tools are those one can do anywhere,  and they are tools that empower you to be able to heal, evolve, and ultimately understand and learn why THIS experience is part of your human reality this time around. 

Our symptoms are teachers and PTSD is a university degree, sometimes I even wonder if it is PhD material.  This is a huge undertaking for a soul in one lifetime, but one can graduate!  No one ever goes to university expecting to fail.  You go knowing that with the right professors, the right environment, and considerable effort, you will graduate with a skill set that sets you apart and allows you to feel success.   

But it can be hard to understand what the symptom is teaching if you don't speak its language.  Yoga, though the matrix of philosophy, the chakras, and perspective, decodes the language of belief, emotion, and reality and works as a translator for these different languages.  It can be done. 



For more information, or to contact the Living Yoga Society about our outreach programs for people experiencing PTSD, Anxiety, or Depression please contact email us.

If you are inspired by these teaching, and would like to support our patronage and outreach efforts please click here.


* please note, not all yoga classes are created equal.  For people suffering from PTSD and other related medical illnesses please a) contact your doctor and inform them that you are looking to try yoga to support your recovery.  and b) make sure you take a yoga class, or work with a teacher who has experience in supporting people in crisis and trauma related experiences.

Dear God Ramblings. #1

Dear God,

sometimes i see the light through the trees and feel such a presence of love,  thank you for the hairs on my arms that capture those moments.

why are we not taught how sweet Silence truly is?

is it possible, that we actually live in completely different space time realities within our own human experiance?  that the year 2016 is merely fabricated for the overall order of humanity, yet really means nothing? maybe the future/past/present is but a state of evolution/perception?

why,  when the mind drones on "the lotus feet," yes yes, "reverence",  yes yes, "dust on head", yes yes "thy will" over and over... the heart skips a beat like your first date is walking up the driveway?
such is the nature of transmission and remembrance...?

parenting is hard,  just in case you were wondering.

if i say a prayer that everyone can feel the nectar of love for life, will it make a difference in someones day?

to your lotus feet.

in-joy.

I Forgive You. For Me.

Forgiveness,  its like another "F" word,  like Fear and F#&%,  just with more letters.   Theres more in there to get yourself around For-Give-Ness.

Even as I write it I can see a flashing mirage of faces with their noses slightly screwed up and the soft roundness of their bodies turning into sharp block people.  "yeah, forgiveness, its good and all, but no way, not in this instance... they have to pay!".

Its amazing how somehow in the west we have equated forgiveness with consent.  As though to forgive someone for bad, sometimes absolutely horrific behaviour, is to tell them it was ok to do that.  That is NOT what forgiveness is.

To forgive someone for their crappy behaviour is to unburden YOURSELF from the load and impact of their actions.  You are giving it up, from your shoulders, and refusing to carry the burden of that trauma anymore.  And no,  carrying the burden,  not forgiving, is not an act of love in the memory of something or someone you loved.   Your suffering is not, and will never be, an act of Love.  LOVE IS LOVE.  Love is to keep stepping forward in life,  cherishing connection,  kindness, and holding that person in your heart - always.

But to do this,  we have to shift our paradigm.  You see,  to be in the place to need to forgive someone,  you are usually acting from the perspective of victim.  Where there is a victim, there is a perpetrator. This is a dualistic paradigm that cannot heal.  You cannot truly heal, and be a victim at the same time. (yes i can feel many heckles going up as we speak,  - but bare with me)

This society holds victims as heroes.  Its fashionable.  "victim of cancer"  "victim of depression" victim at the hand of another person, rape, murder, etc  People experiance horrible things.  People, find themselves in circumstances BEYOND THIER CONTROL and experiance horrible things.  NO, THEY DO NOT ASK FOR IT.   We cannot control what our experiences are,  but we do have some say on how we respond to these experiences.  Do they hold you back?  or propel you forward?  Its a process i realize,  but its a process with a direction,  not a sentence of stagnation.

It takes community, it takes support, it takes crazy amounts of courage.  But it can be done.

Once you can entertain the idea of stepping out of being a victim.  (Believe me,  I have had years of being identified with being a victim.  I was the queen of "its everyone else's fault".  I get how comfy it can get in that chair. )  You can step into forgiveness.   Again,  forgiving someone doesn't condone their actions.  It sets YOU free from the weight of them.  And here is how you do it...

You shift the paradigm of perception.  You step into the perspective of the soul having a human experiance.  The full complicated, messy, groping in the dark for the light switch, experiance.  And then you acknowledge, that so is the soul who was the "perpetrator".  They are also having a complicated, messy human experiance.   Two souls playing out their lives.   All souls are beings of light,  yet,  depending on what stage of evolution they are,  sometimes their ignorance and the level of pain they are carrying blinds them to the effect and understanding of their own actions, either before or after they have done them.   We have all made mistakes, most of us have known the feeling of compulsion to do something we know innately is not ok.  From telling a white lie, to petty theft, to cheating... the compulsion is no different for bigger things.  The compulsion is always born out of our own pain.  The more pain we are in, the worse actions we seem to be able to justify.

So we forgive.  We acknowledge that people hurt other people corresponding to the degree of pain THEY are in... it doesn't excuse, justify, or condone the actions, but on a soul level it creates a little space inside of YOU for, understanding.  Its in this space that we forgive.  We forgive from my soul, to yours.  We understand that pain creates more pain.  We start to allow the process to journey from understanding, to maybe, one day, soften into compassion.   This process.  This softening,  is forgiveness.  Forgiveness is not an all or nothing,  its a bite by bite softening out of victim, and into a souls understanding of the roles we play for the lessons we are here to learn.   You morph from a sharp edged block person, to a round, soft human.  Doing the most human thing of all, we Love, Forgive and keep stepping forward.

The Elongated Blink - the gem in human connection.

Human connection.  Its a phenomenon that is becoming rare and prized as an anomaly as our lives get sucked through the flat screens of our phones.  We talk too much,  while saying very little.  Its all fluff and extremely draining.   Even the standard "hi, how are you" as you rush around the supermarket to the person you see 4 times a year, usually in the supermarket, can be translated into,  "i know who you are and therefore should converse with you to be polite, so you don't think i'm a horrible person,  but i don't actually want to know really how you are,  i'm in a hurry, so are you, and lets face it, you don't really want to tell me.  and by the way,  in not a horrible person. i just have forgotten how to connect"   "hi, how are you?"   All speed,  No substance.  Our lives have become superficial.  Sometimes even with the ones closest to us.

But in Rikhiapeeth, the ashram in India we go to every year to deepen our experience of karma yoga,  there is very little "chat".  Its not that we don't chat with each other at times,  but its the caboose in the train of human interaction.  Not the engine.  The engine is the souls venerability.  Once this has been expressed,  we have something to chat about.

Otherwise,  in the ashram, we often don't talk to people unless its task/karma yoga orientated.  However, even though we don't run around asking each other how we are all the time,  the place is full of connections...  real, human, connection.  We have this unspoken gesture which i call "the elongated blink".   Ive never heard anyone mention it before,  but its real, and I experience it every time I go there.  It makes my heart soar.  It is a wonderful way to connect with another human without a single word,  and with tremendous amounts of substance. Its the start button in the trains engine and it goes like this.   You look at someone,  you make eye contact,  you blink once in slow motion while thinking 'hi,  i see you, how are you? i see how you are'.  then as you open your eyes you make a small smile,  to acknowledge you see they are ok,  a slight roll of the eye to acknowledge you can see they are in the craziness of all thats going on around them,  or a slight frown to show that you see they are sad, or upset.    See what that is?  everything you do, is to communicate what you see in them.  NOT what is coming from you...  to be seen all you do is humbly open your heart and they,  in turn, see you...

So the connection is not a handing off of information about how you are,  but a receiving about the other person.  In turn they do the same for you.  Acknowledging this,  you both feel seen.  Which is, after-all, what most of us really crave isn't it?  To be really seen?    This is connection.

While in truth, this exchange takes mere moments to complete... in reality,  it seems like its done in slow motion.  The hearts connect in honestly, venerability.  Seeing, and being seen in a mutual transaction.  It sounds too simple,  maybe even idiotic.  But i promise you,  true, honest, human connection is seated in the essence of joy.

Can we stop talking to each other and can we start seeing each other instead?   Allowing those moments to add together into a day filled with morsels of soul connected  Love.

So,  my mission to you,  is to try it... try the elongated blink with someone and write blow what your experience is...

with love.
shiv

Speak Up or Shut Up - The Five Stages of Using "The Human Story" for Personal Development.

There are teachings in yoga that often feel, contradictory.  One teacher will tell you the importance of speaking your truth,  of sharing your experience,  another will tell you that we have to let go of our stories,  stop giving them power, stop identifying with them.  It gets confusing,  and you go home not knowing if you need to speak up, or shut up.

Like many of the teachings though,  there is many stages, appropriate steps of unfolding and unravelling of the Soul from the story. We need to do this without disassociating from the experiences you came to Earth to have.

The Vedic texts and sutras are starting to be more widly studied by the western yogi.  But sometimes we fail to recognize that they are guidelines are for the end stages of the teachings,  assuming that your commitment as a Sadhak (student) has already worked through the Yamas, Niyamas and had done extensive Karma yoga at the foot of a Master.  So by the time we read these teachings, they are what you are ultimately aiming for.  These are not teachings that can be jumped to,  they must be journeyed to, embodied.

Stage One:  Frozen Fear - can't speak.
So often in our lives we find ourselves unable to express to someone what we are REALLY feeling, or what our experience has actually been.  We are frozen in fear,  plagued by shame and terror that "if you really knew what happened,  you would look at me differently"  fear that somehow love would be withdrawn,  you would be ostracized.  Or worse,  the trauma that you feel to be a victim from,  would somehow be seen as your fault.  It renders you immovable,  and eventually volatile.    Its this stagnation of emotion that creates dis-ease in the body over time.   From here we need to be able to find the safety and the courage to speak our truth,  often finding, that the outcome of such a leap of faith is wholly different to what we imagined.  Which leads us to stage two.

Stage Two:  Letting the words and waters flow.
When we finally find the safe space and courage to speak,  we cry.  Sometimes emotion has been held for so long that the tears burst like a dam.    This is the stagnant emotions being released and liquified through our words.  There is a mirror between the Swadhisthana Chakra at the sacrum (water element)  and Vishuddhi Chakra at the throat,(1) our words.  When one is stagnant,  so is the other,  therefore to get the emotions to run, as liquified water should,  it is important for us to speak.  At this stage the quality of language doesn't really matter,  and often it is language that is very identified with a disempowered view of the experience.  This is OK!  just keep talking.  Its necessary,  and is a very important part to evolving past trauma and the past, thus allowing all our life force energy to be utilized in the present.    Often,  the response from the person listening is one of understanding, sympathy,  love,  caring and connection.  Sometimes this is one of the very few times the person who is expressing themselves has felt this from another person.  Its liberating, and addictive.

 And so we talk,  we tell anyone who will listen about all the hard things we have gone through.  Each time, often unconsciously, looking for that feeling of acceptance, sympathy, of love to come from the person listening.    If we get it,  great!  we take that high into our next experience.  If the person does not express the level of understanding of sympathy we are looking for,  Boom!  back to stage one we go.  We feel victimized all over again because our needs weren't met when we shared (again) our story.

Its at this stage that most people get into a loop.  They relate their experiences from a place of identification, of personal doership ("This happened to me",  "you made me feel", "I did this...")  and investment in the dynamic between players. They relate their story with the expectation of emotional gratification from the other person.  This is a root of co-dependancy and a very slippery slope.

However,  we can break the cycle by moving on to stage three.


Stage Three:  Learning to let language change our reality. 
Once the initial dam has burst and the waters have calmed, it is a good time to start to "work the program".  To learn how the words we choose when we talk about the experience that has held so much power in our bodies for so long can either hold us back OR, it can catapult us forward in our evolution.  Its ALL in the language.  Im not talking about speaking about the experience as though it was not painful,  or traumatizing,  but speaking about the experience, not as the victim of life,  but as the Soul experiencing a very deep and profound lesson through its human experience.  Even changing a single word can make a difference from "i struggle with..." to "i'm challenged by... "  This one little change can make a huge difference in the lens/perspective we experience the samskaras (Unconscious memory that also comes through Swadhisthana chakra)

A teacher or coach is a really great person to have at this stage,  for they can literally intercept your low vibrational words as you say them,  and help you to see how unconscious the "story" flows through you.  Consciously changing the words,  means you have to slow down your thought process and realign yourself into a new experience of the "story".  Its clear to understand that we are not changing the story, or modifying the facts of the story,  we are changing the perspective to which the story is seen and shared.

If this stage is done successfully there will be a softening, an expansion of energy to our perception of events and moving on to stage 4 will bring forth more closure and empowerment to the present moment rather than lugging the past around.  If this stage is not done successfully, and there is residue emotions unresolved and stuck in the old "story"  then stepping into stage four will actually be a reverting back to stage one.   To move onto stage four,  one must fully shift the flow of language from victim,  and doership, to experiencer, student and witness.

Stage Four:  Stop Talking... 
Now hang on,  first i dont talk, and you tell me to talk,  now i talk, and your telling me to stop.  See how if you skip a step how you can get into trouble?  It is a process.  When you find your voice,  and you are happy to share your human experience with anyone who will listen,  its time to start to see the "emotional pay off" as noted in stage two... and start to reign in that "need to feel loved" every time you open up.  It can be very empowering to not need another approval, or sympathy when speaking YOUR truth.

At this stage, we need to stop telling our stories.  Stop identifying with the stories as who you are,  and allow the present moment to create a current you.  For the more you talk about the past,  the more you carry it with you into this moment. Positive or Negative,  its exhausting...

So this is where we dis-empower the story.  Let it go.  It was an blimp of experience in time,  out of multiple lifetimes you have had.  It has served its purpose, it no longer defines who you are, you have learnt its lesson,  you have graduated.  The story no longer serves you,  but it can serve others.

Stage Five:  What we are here for.  
Connection.  When a story,  be it a positive or negative, no longer has any emotional hold over you. When you stop crying when you tell it, when you stop looking for a certain response from another to emotionally satisfy you.    It becomes a tool.  You can tell it,  you can not tell it. You are indifferent. For you,  it has no power, no emotion, no identification.  But it has been your experience,  and therefore,  is there for you to use it as a tool to create connection.

Then, you tell the story only in service.  For others to feel not so alone,  for others to feel safe,  for others to feel the courage to bare their soul.  (supporting someone else in stage one.)  THIS is when you tell your stories...  To comfort.  To inspire.  To give.  To connect.


Namo Narayana

In service.

Shivani



(1)  This mirror can be shown in the symbology of the Yantras,  as both of these chakras depict the Moon in them.  Both of these chakras are portals to states of reality.  Swadhisthana is the portal to out 3D reality,  while Vishuddhi Chakra is the portal to a 5D reality.

But i'm a Mother!

Below is Sw. Sivananda's 50 Guidlines for Sadhaks.  An amazing list of clear guidelines that a yogi embodies to be able to hold the frequencies needed to progress on the path.  Below this list, is a short blog to answer a question regarding #47 from the perspective of being a Mother.   in service...  Shiv.

50 GUIDELINES FOR SADHAKAS

SWAMI SIVANANDA SARASWATI

1. Reduce your wants to the minimum.

2. Adapt yourself to circumstances.

3. Never be attached to anything or anybody.

4. Share what you have with others.

5. Be ever ready to serve. Serve with affection. Lose no

opportunity.

6. Entertain akarta and sakshi bhava, non-doership and the

witnessing attitude.

7. Speak measured, proper and correct words.

8.Have great patience and perseverance.

9. Never leave the abhyasa, practice, even for a day.

10. The guru will only guide you. You should yourself tread

the path.

11. Maintain a spiritual diary and correctly record your

progress and failures. Stick to resolves.

12. Do not complain that there is no time for sadhana. Reduce

sleep and tall talks.

13. Forget the feeling that you are so and so – a male or a

female – by vigorous Brahma-chintana.

14. Never postpone a thing for tomorrow if it is possible for

you to do it today.

15. Do not boast or make a show of your abilities. Be simple

and humble.

16. Be cheerful always. Give up worries.

17. Be indifferent to things that do not concern you.

18. Fly away from negative company and negative discussion.

19. Be alone for a few hours daily.

20. Give up greediness, jealousy and hoarding.

21. Control your emotions by discrimination and detachment.

22. Always maintain equilibrium of mind.

23. Think twice before you speak and thrice before you act.

24.Give up backbiting, criticizing and fault finding..

25. Find out your own faults and weaknesses. See only good

in others.

26. Forgive and forget the harm done by others. Do good to

those who hate you.

27. Shun lust, anger, egoism, infatuation and greed as a

venomous cobra.

28. Be prepared to suffer any amount of pain.

29.Have a set of maxims always with you to induce vairagya.

30. See good in every face, in everything.

31. Take to sankirtan, satsang and prayer when the mind is

overpowered by lower instincts.

32. Face obstacles coolly and boldly.

33. Care not for criticism when you are on the path. Yield not

to flattery

34. Admit your faults.

35. Do not neglect daily asanas and exercises.

36. Be active and nimble always.

37. Develop your heart by giving. Be extraordinarily charitable.

Give more than one’s expectations.

38. Desires multiply misery. Develop contentment.

39. Control the senses one by one.

40.Have a check on all your thoughts. Keep them pure and

sublime.

41. Do not lose temper when anybody insults, taunts or

rebukes you. It is a mere play of words and a variety of

sound.

42. Rest your mind in God and live in Truth.

43. Be up and doing in the path of perfection.

44. Have a definite aim in your life and proceed carefully.

45. Benefits of mouna, silence, are incalculable. Never give up

this practice.

46. Four important gates for passion to enter the mind are

sound, touch, sight and thoughts. Be vigilant!

47.Have intimate connections with none but God. Minimize connections with others.

48. Be moderate in everything. Extremes are always

dangerous.

49. Everyday practise self-analysis and introspection. Know

the amount of your growth.

50. Give up curiosities on the spiritual path. Conserve your

energy and concentrate. Think of atman.

Now i don't know about you,  but when i read this list,  the first thing that came to mind was,  Yes...

It sings to my soul,  gives me something concrete to aim for,  gives me guidance in things that sometimes my mind gets into turmoil about,  eg. 25 & 26.

But when it comes to #47, context, especially when your a Mother, must come into play.  You see,  traditionally,  Sadhaks (spiritual seekers on the Yogic path) were, if not aspiring to be, Sannyasins.   Usually,  the Sannyasins were people who had played out their role in the world with work, children, marriages, and when all was exhausted, they would retreat to the forest (usually an ashram) and fully pursue the spiritual life of renunciation.  

However,  as the world has been changing,  a new wave of consciousness has been born into this lila (divine play),  and there are many people, who,  although have not yet finished their household karma,  feel a incredible pull to the life of sannyas values and aspirations.  To this,  Paramahansiji Satyananda Saraswati responded in what i consider to be a revolutionary way.  He started to initiate "karma sannyasins",  both men AND woman...   people,  who live out in the world,  are married, have kids,  mortgages, cars... but aspire to live by the guidelines as listed above as a way of supporting them in their path of evolution.

Now,  there are numbers on this list that are seemingly contradictory, or hard to fathom, while still being engaged in the the household reality.  #47. "Have intimate connections with none but God. Minimize connections with others."  is a great example.

Firstly,  there is a time for everything,  and in the time of having young children and a husband, is not the time to renounce intimate connections.  More,  a reorientation of those connections.  There is a middle ground between the western "i cant live without my children,  they complete me!" and the above guided "have an intimate relationship with non but God."

Kahlil Gibran so eloquently puts it

"Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you."

Our children,  are the children of God.  We are their earthly guardians,  with karma to keep them, to the best of our ability, safe.  To nourish them,  to Love them.  But they are not your children,  nor are you their only guardians.  They, like you, have a whole team of guides in multiple dimensions helping their human experience be shaped into the perfect learning experience for them as souls.   YOU, have a very small part to play in this,  even though in the 3D it seems you are their world, and they yours.  We must widen our perspectives, for this is the way to full love, connect, and treasure your experience with them, without being attached to the experience, or them.    God giveth,  and God taketh away...

It is extremely important for a parent to be physically loving towards a child, hugs, cuddles, kisses, holding hands, snuggles in bed in the first 7 years of their life.  It helps them to ground into their bodies so they can play out the rest of their life with a foundation of safety and a sense of belonging.  For the first 7 years,  the mother is their Guru.   However,  awareness is needed to if you are cuddling, kissing, holding hands for their development,  or your emotional needs.  This, I believe, is where the awareness and teaching comes in.    We are here to nourish them,  so that they may fly,  not so that we can use out children to fill our emotional cups.    As karma sannyas  it is to God, that we look to fill ourselves emotionally - and let this flow over to our children and husbands unconditionally. 

Now,  in our youth (and I use the term "youth" liberally),  having a husband usually means you have an "intimate" relationship.  And there is nothing wrong with this.  Its part of married life.  But its HOW, WHY, WHEN that are the important parts.  This is where awareness,  clear communication and intention come in.  Be honest,  are you intimate for pleasure?  for conception of another child? or to experience frequencies of the Divine that lead to experiences of God? Insert the Karma Sutra.  None of these are wrong, or dirty, or shameful on the path.  However,  we often say our intention is one thing,  when really it is another, and I believe this is where we get in trouble.

God, is in every face,  every leaf, every action, if you are walking the path of the witness, non doership and non attachment.  That doesn't mean that you do not have families, houses and worldly bill paying work.  Its about your perspective of these things.  We are mothers, for God,  we are wives, for God,  we work to Serve the lila of God... 

And when the karmas have burnt,  the body gets older,  the children have grown,  a natural peeling away of these things will occur.  And we too, will retreat to the forest.